First off, I have a confession to make. I am a slob. Well, a recovering slob.
I've been married for three solid years now. I'm quite happy with the new life my husband and I have forged together. But, there is something I've been fighting very hard for very long: Housewivery. *shudder*
That particular article helped put things in perspective, but this battle has been long and hard. I have come to a few conclusions:
1) A clean house is the product of organization AND routines, shelves and schedules.
2) If you say you'll do it later, you're a slob.
3) My husband, and maybe husbands in general, don't help, especially when they're constantly being moaned at.
I've spent the better part of the last three years trying to convince myself of some strange version of the modern housewife. My husband and I agreed that we would work together, cooperating to ensure love and peace in our home. Nice, except that I wanted a household that ran like clockwork. I didn't communicate the household needs or my own wishes. I expected my husband to just pick up on it and do it. Needless to say, things do not work this way. At. All...
Toys were everywhere. The beef that the baby threw on the floor a month ago (yeah, that...) was still on the floor. Trash piled in corners. Tea bags sat in the middle of the kitchen table for weeks... You get the idea... And, it wasn't like I was polishing my nails all day. I was exhausted! I was utterly pooped by the end of each day and I had nothing to show for it. This was how I lived for two years.
It was around this time that I did a random search on the internet for 'how to clean your house.' I found FlyLady. I thought it was hippy and stupid. The website is a little retro and cumbersome for starters. But, I decided to clean my sink and do everything necessary to keep it shining. For some reason, that was enough of a self-esteem boost to convince me to keep going.
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| This is a Baby. |
With FlyLady's help, I realized that all the reorganizing that I did -- all day long -- was useless, unless I established routines to maintain that organization. I'm still learning and I have a ways to go before I reach perfection. But, my sink is shiney. My bathroom is clean. My floor is clear. My mantel is dusted. My house is swept. And, I've decided that perfection is overrated. I do what I can in the time that I have. Maintenance and neatness is the key. I save perfectionism for my sink.
FlyLady also addresses attitudes: the attitude that housework is a chore, that you shouldn't stop until it's perfect, and that the household is more important than I am. All those are part of the American Housewife Myth. In reality, housework is you blessing your family, gracing them with a welcoming home. Perfectionism is your worst enemy in general upkeep. How many times have I set out to clean the bedroom and gotten stuck in one spot for 3 hours? (At least 4 dozen.) During those 3 hours, I cannot love my family because I'm too busy wrecking the closet to make dinner. (Plus, after wrecking the closet and burning dinner, I'm in a wretched mood.) Usually after a bout like this, I don't want to do any chores until I can't see the floor anymore. My perfectionism lent itself to procrastination and slob-hood.
The greatest lesson I've learned in all of this is that I am important. I am the driving force behind this household. I love my family. But, my love for them doesn't mean that I have to completely neglect my own upkeep, my personal interests, or my free time. I don't need to martyr myself for my family. It doesn't do either of us any good. It left me bitter for giving too much and left them starving for the one thing I wasn't giving: Happiness.
What's more, once I finally included the whole house in my routine schedule, the useless husband has been inspired to cook, sweep, dust, and tidy the house by my side. It turns out that neither of us knew the first thing about housekeeping and we didn't know how to start. Thanks to FlyLady, we're starting. And, we will never finish, because who would want to cease blessing her home?
So, if you're swimming in CHAOS (Can't Have Anybody Over Syndrome) or if you're looking to start anew, FlyLady.
ENDNOTE: I'm going to start posting weekly pictures of my girls :D
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